i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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