That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
