Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
