On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
