So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
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