you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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