I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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