The maid of honor just puked.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
