everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
