she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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