i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
He did a backflip because drugs
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
