Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You were trust falling into bushes
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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