The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
