I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
