just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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