Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
