They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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