Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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