You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
