so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
