so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
she looked like the before picture.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
