i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
