This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
