i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
