I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
