Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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