haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
