$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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