Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
