Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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