I just pynch a tree in the face
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
