Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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