Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
