Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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