my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
