Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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