I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Even the bartender felt bad for me
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
