Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Randomize
