You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
