Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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