if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
