He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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