if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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