There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Randomize
