i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
it glows. i had to have it.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
