you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
