only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Randomize
