GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
