Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
