Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
