I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
