Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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