god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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