Screwed.edu
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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