Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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