Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
