its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
