Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
