I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
